I don’t know about you, but I go through cycles. Some of them are predictable, some of them… not so much. I have been going through something the past week that is very uncharacteristic of my usual existence.
There’s nothing going on in my head.
I’m usually the kind of person who is going and going from the moment I wake up until the moment I go to bed. Jamming N’Sync and dancing and singing real hard like a huge jackass, offering to do way too many jobs for free, planning huge elaborate trips I may or may not ever go on, trying to fill up my current time and my future time with crazy crap that I don’t think anyone else would ever do just because I want to have an interesting story to tell. That’s me. But recently, it’s different.
I’m not depressed or anything like that. The thing inside of my head has just kind of stopped talking. I feel calmer and I feel more at peace. It doesn’t even occur to me nowadays that I should be looking for crazy adventures to pursue. WHY NOT??
Well, as of late, I’ve been reevaluating my life and taking responsibility for things that I hadn’t really thought were my fault in the past, and am starting to see the role I play in the world around me. I play a part in everything that happens to or around me. Even if it’s not my fault, I am still responsible for how I react to it. These are things that are common sense, but it’s harder to put into actual practice than it seems.
I’ve been taking thoughts that I’ve had about people who I felt had really done me wrong, or people who I felt I was better than and I was bitter toward, and I’m trying to get rid of it. I feel like I don’t have as much to prove now because I’m humbling myself and I’m getting all of the “competition” out of my head. Nobody is competing with me. No one cares about what I’m doing in my life because they have their own agendas and their own lives to live. The people who I thought were out to do me wrong or steal from me never even had me in their kaleidoscope. I was just a bi-product. Yeah you had to step on me to get what you wanted, but you never looked under your shoe to see my face. And a lot of people don’t get it. They don’t understand that no one cares about you. They don’t care if they hurt you, because they don’t see you. So just get over it. Don’t get mad at the people who do you wrong, because they don’t even have the balls to acknowledge that you exist.
And in this, I have found some peace whereas before it was all a hot ball of fire hoping that I never run into particular people in public. And with this sense of peace, there is also calm and quiet, which I guess I will have to get used to if it sticks. I like the fact that I can relax and focus, but I dislike the drop in energy. I like to be crazy and be constantly going, but maybe I can make this my new default. Who knows. I guess once you start to forgive and move on, you have less to prove because you understand that it really doesn’t matter after all.
Ashley and Cecilia work hard, play hard, write stuff, read stuff... because they don't know what else to do with their lives.
I- We should buy something superficial
II- Buy odd clothing
I- An Unusual Social Event
I- We should go somewhere with dangerous animals
I- Somewhere with strange food
When we get ten total votes, the item with the highest number of votes will be our next expedition.
(One vote per reader, per category).